Part
3 - Chapter 2
OF
CREATING CONFIDENCE IN THE GIRL
FOR
the first three days after marriage, the
girl and her husband should sleep on the
floor, abstain from sexual pleasures, and
eat their food without seasoning it either
with alkali or salt. For the next seven days
they should bathe amidst tire sounds of
auspicious musical instruments, should
decorate themselves, dine together, and pay
attention to their relations as well as to
those who may have come to witness their
marriage. This is applicable to persons of
all castes. On the night of the tenth day
the man should begin in a lonely place with
soft words, and thus create confidence in
the girl. Some authors say that for the
purpose of winning her over he should not
speak to her for three days, but the
followers of Babhravya are of opinion that
if the man does not speak with her for three
days, the girl may be discouraged by seeing
him spiritless like a pillar, and, becoming
dejected, she may begin to despise him as a
eunuch. Vatsyayana says that the man should
begin to win her over, and to create
confidence in her, but should abstain at
first from sexual pleasures. Women, being of
a tender nature, want tender beginnings, and
when they are forcibly approached by men
with whom they are but slightly acquainted,
they sometimes suddenly become haters of
sexual connection, and sometimes even haters
of the male sex. The man should therefore
approach the girl according to her liking,
and should make use of those devices by
which he may be able to establish himself
more and more into her confidence. These
devices are as follows:
He
should embrace her first of all in a way she
likes most, because it does not last for a
long time.
He
should embrace her with the upper part of
his body because that is easier and simpler.
If the girl is grown up, or if the man has
known her for some time, he may embrace her
by the light of a lamp, but if he is not
well acquainted with her, or if she is a
young girl, he should then embrace her in
darkness.
When
the girl accepts the embrace, the man should
put a tambula or screw of betel nut and
betel leaves in her mouth, and if she will
not take it, he should induce her to do so
by conciliatory words, entreaties, oaths,
and kneeling at her feet, for it is a
universal rule that however bashful or angry
a woman may be she never disregards a man's
kneeling at her feet. At the time of giving
this tambula he should kiss her mouth softly
and gracefully without making any sound.
When she is gained over in this respect he
should then make her talk, and so that she
may be induced to talk he should ask her
questions about things of which he knows or
pretends to know nothing, and which can be
answered in a few words. If she does not
speak to him, he should not frighten her,
but should ask her the same thing again and
again in a conciliatory manner. If she does
not then speak he should urge her to give a
reply because, as Ghotakamukha says, `all
girls hear everything said to them by men,
but do not themselves sometimes say a single
word'. When she is thus importuned, the girl
should give replies by shakes of the head,
but if she has quarrelled with the man she
should not even do that. When she is asked
by the man whether she wishes for him, and
whether she likes him, she should remain
silent for a long time, and when at last
importuned to reply, should give him a
favourable answer by a nod of her head. If
the man is previously acquainted with the
girl he should converse with her by means of
a female friend, who may be favourable to
him, and in the confidence of both, and
carry on the conversation on both sides. On
such an occasion the girl should smile with
her head bent down, and if the female friend
say more on her part than she was desired to
do, she should chide her and dispute with
her. The female friend should say in jest
even what she is not desired to say by the
girl, and add, `she says so', on which the
girl should say indistinctly and prettily,
`O no! I did not say so', and she should
then smile and throw an occasional glance
towards the man.
If
the girl is familiar with the man, she
should place near him, without saying
anything, the tambula, the ointment, or the
garland that he may have asked for, or she
may tie them up in his upper garment. While
she is engaged in this, the man should touch
her young breasts in the sounding way of
pressing with the nails, and if she prevents
him doing this he should say to her, ` I
will not do it again if you will embrace
me', and should in this way cause her to
embrace him. While he is being embraced by
her he should pass his hand repeatedly over
and about her body.
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